[Filter: Franelcrew except Eabh and Gabe]

What are we doing about the boys, tomorrow?

We can't leave them alone, and I don't think it's a good idea to actually bring them, but as far as I know, everyone wished to go, so ... it's a bit of a situation?

It wasn't an animal. It was ... what I saw, it looked more like a human than any animal, except ... the eyes. They were red, completely red, too big for its face. And it had fangs. It leapt up right to the window, I -- Dragons, I could have reached out and --

-- The way it moved. I only caught a glimpse. It was so fast, it doesn't seem possible something that shape could move so quickly. The mist swallowed it up too quickly to see details, but I do think it was making those ... noises. I didn't see any others.

The eyes, though ... it was staring right at me.

It's ... gone?

How can it just be missing?

Unless I'm missing something, but ... I think there is clearly meant to be a sword, here ...

What -- who --

Are they gone? How ...

No, I have to -- Kail. Kail, are you all right?

[Filter: Korvin]

I'm not entirely sure what to say, but I don't want it to be nothing, and apart from the obvious, I wanted you to know that I'm already getting questions from certain others that were perhaps less inebriated than we thought. So -- I'm not sure if the same is happening to you, but if it hasn't yet, I wanted you to be prepared for that ... er, I think Fayre is among them. And ... well. You know Fayre.

I know you're not feeling well this morning, but ... well. If you'd like to talk, before the border ... or even after.

[Filter: Kail]

Have you had your breakfast, yet? I don't want to have this conversation until I'm sure you're capable of paying attention to anything beyond your own misery.

[Filter: Jasmine]

So, was it actually a contest, or just a game?

Korvin tells me that Fayre's been trying to set him up with Irving -- they've already been out together, but I think you knew that -- and I can only assume that you two made some sort of arrangement ...

Well. It doesn't really matter. We talked, and I told him what I suspected, and he actually seems rather upset by it all, to be honest. I think he might be talking to Fayre right now, so I thought it would just be common courtesy to let you know that this is done, now, too.

[Filter: Eina Army]

[rushed]

Everyone needs to get to the gate. They've realized what we're doing -- they're rallying on us. They're -- Dragons, there are mages everywhere. Calaith is injured, I can't tell how badly, and I can't stay here. If anyone sees this, we're in the alcove at the [pause] southwest tower. I think they might [smudge marks]

They're hitting the walls. Watch for rubble, it's -- and if any of our flyers are here, we need to get Calaith out

[Filter: Kail]

You know, I was wondering ... all of this talk about the scouting groups, and surveying the areas around Forna ...

I'm not exactly bored, here, like some of the others are. But I think it might be a good idea to have as many of us out scouting for ourselves as possible. Gebann, ah, he tries, but he's so busy with his men, we can't exactly depend on important news to reach us quickly. So, the more of us out there, the better chance we have of being prepared ...

So, I suppose I'm wondering if you'd be interested in volunteering? I wouldn't go without you, obviously, but there are only so many of us really suited to the task.

[Filter: Private]

There's nothing I can possibly say to make any of it better. Absolutely nothing, how could there be? She's right about everything. And ... if she stays here, if she leaves us now and I never do see her again ... I'll only have myself to blame. She would be all right. I know she would be. Everyone who has ever left us has found their own way, somewhere, their own life. They've moved on, and I think they all must be happier now, living for themselves, than they ever were when they were putting everything on hold for this. So -- maybe it's what's best. Pearl will move on with her life, she'll find something -- someone, I hope -- that makes her happy, and ...

And I'll never forgive myself for being the reason she left us, and it will be exactly what I deserve.

I should make Kail apologize to her, before she goes. If he means half of what he's said to me, lately, he can at least do that. She was my best friend, here, apart from him. Those years we spent together meant the world to me, and I will never, ever forgive myself for what's happened. Just because I can't ... love her, it doesn't mean that I didn't ... I do love her, just not ...

It's not enough, and there's no excuse.

I ...

I wouldn't want to be here anymore, either. I can imagine what it must be like. I already know what it's like to think that -- that Kail's happier with someone else. What would I do, if he changed his mind now? Or three years from now. If he put a stop to this all of a sudden and confessed that he'd never really felt any of the things he says he does and -- then he found the love of his life a month later? And then, if everyone came forward and congratulated him for it?

I can't even ...

And he would do the same thing. He would be worse. He'd think we could just go back to being friends, and he'd be hurt if I -- if I couldn't. And ... I don't think I could, how could I? Every day would hurt so, so badly, so much worse than it ever was before.

I don't deserve her friendship. I just wish that she didn't have to hurt so badly before she realizes that I was never worth her time from the start.

[Filter: Private]

I still catch myself thinking ...

Haha. What if I'm still on that mountain? That's when all this really ... what if I did hit my head, what if I never woke up, and what if this is all just one last silly fantasy, before ...

He's so stubborn. Everyone has their own version of that look to give us, and he just stares right back, daring them to say something. I ... I never thought ... never. He says he wants this, too, and at first it was just something that I was sure he was saying because -- because it's Kail, and he never thinks before he speaks. But every day that goes by ... he's been here, every day. Every night. There has to be a moment, when -- when I stop doubting all of this, stop telling myself it's impossible, that any second he'll think better of it. If he can stand there, every day, face down our friends, his family ...

Can you really live your whole life one way, and then just -- change, like that? Or was there always some part of him that had these thoughts, and I never noticed, because I was so wrapped up in being terrified for myself? Did he just never think of it, until someone made it so obvious that even he couldn't miss it.

That ... haha. That sounds like Kail, actually ... I doubt he ever would have thought of this -- of me -- this way, on his own. But that doesn't make this any less ...

It doesn't, does it?

And it's just as terrifying, just in a different sort of way. I want ... I want to make him happy. Dragons, I want that so badly. It's so hard to tell if he is, or not, when everything is still so strange, and no one is sure what to think or how to speak to us, anymore. Everything changed all at once, and not all of it is pleasant -- Nessa frightened off most everyone who might have really spoken their minds, but --

I don't mind. I ... truly don't. Some of it is ... some of it stings. Keagan and Faith, mostly, and -- I'm still not sure what Lady Celeste is thinking, I doubt I want to know. And Lawrence. And ... Pearl. But all of that just seems so far away, when I have Kail with me, actually with me, daring them all to say a word. How much worse must it be, for him? I've had my whole life to deal with this, to think about this and consider all of the ways everyone might react to knowing.

I was going to have to deal with this, regardless of what Kail did. And considering that, what do I have to complain about? But for Kail, it must be ...

... It can't be easy. And I don't know if I can -- if I'm worth all of that. I want to be, Dragons, I do, I'd do anything. I still don't know if he realizes just how ... how much I love him. How much I've always loved him. How much this means to me ... how hard this is to believe, after a whole lifetime of begging myself to stop this nonsense, to let it go, because -- because ...

I'm still scared. But this isn't the sort of fear that makes you run and hide and pretend to be something you're not. It's ... it's what makes you realize that you're alive, and you'll fight with everything you have to stay that way. You'll do anything at all ...

...

[Filter: Kail]

Haha ... I wish you could see yourself, right now.

You know, if you keep on glaring at everyone that way, people are just going to stop talking to you entirely. And then what are you going to do?